excuse me . . .

. . . can you see that i am working, going to school and interning at the moment?!!!

this is so how i feel right now. i am an ambitious girl. i'm pretty sure everyone who knows me, knows that.

i personally put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to be better and better and do it NOW!! even now, as i write this, i am feeling it. 26 years old and what do you have to show for it. why don't you own your own business and why aren't you making 6 figures by now? it's funny, because now that i am getting these thoughts out of my head, i can see how silly they are. when did i make the decision to do all that and when did i get the crazy idea that it would all be done at once?

these crazy thoughts bring me anxiety of the worst kind. the kind that makes me dream dreams that i should never dream and the kind that literally feels like fear gripping me telling me that i cannot face the day. it's horrible.

so my opening line is exactly what i want to say to those thoughts. "CAN YOU SEE THAT I AM BUSY RIGHT NOW!" i hate to put things off. when i get a good idea, i want it to be done now. not later.

which is why i have so much on my plate.

the point of this rant is that this podcast that i found via kate via kera, below just spoke to me. the ENTIRE thing spoke to me. but mostly the story that starts at about minute 13. {in case you want to skip through it, but i recommend the entire thing.} elizabeth gilbert has a way of saying things, and her voice is so calming.



i feel like there are so many ideas that come to me from my "little genius" that elizabeth mentions, that i am just not ready for. and i begin to feel guilty that i am not in that place yet that is ready to develop that idea that would be so amazing if i could give it all of my focus. but i am giving other things my focus right now. i am where i am and i have a hard time accepting that sometimes.

i love the idea of continuing to show up. to be there. to be present and available for things to happen through you. just show up. my mom used to say this too. sometimes, just showing up is enough.

please let me remember this when fear grips me and tells me not to get out of bed. please remember, becky, that showing up can be enough.

this podcast came at the perfect time for me. i hope it shifts your paradigm as much as it did mine.

ole!